Well, I have to admit it. I am changing … I am in the way of getting outside the box & knowing the real world, there is a lot of beauty to enjoy, yet you can’t recognize it until you see the bad view
I’m freaked but frankly I can’t take a step back & to be honest with myself , If I could I wouldn’t !!!
Okay I’m not totally comfortable with the me inside & I won’t never but that won’t hold me back since I finally realized that the problems I faced in the past & being weak has nothing to do with begin GAy
I have convinced myself that’s I could move mountains & walk on stormy seas just If I am straight
Well, I finally after years from being silly & naïve I faced every single fear deep inside & met the first gay he has the same role that I have so I hadn’t to deal with fear of being rapped!!! I really wondered if there are such a guy like him in the world , he is so Gentle , caring , humble , funny … confident and Angel…
He bought coffee & then drove his car , pulled it out in the side of the road & start talking, Well he did the most of talking part & most I did was listening , being shy is one reason why I was on the silent mode most of the time but the real reason is I really have nothing to talk about, my life revolves about my family & god which is not the right subject to talk about when you met someone for the first time!!!
Well, there was a guy-different one-, those who I classified them as out of my scope but he was interested in meeting I tried to delay it & seeking any excuse just not to meet, since I knew from the first time we chatted that’s I had no chance , but I did it anyway, well he called me saying that he has like an hour in his busy schedule I didn’t mind meeting him, I went to where we was supposed to meet, sitting there looking at the people around me & my heart’s beatings was like it’s going to explode he showed up late about 30 minutes and thanks god for that! I was boring like usual has nothing to say like always the date Ended up in like 20 minutes, the real problem I have with him, that he was 24/7 online on his msn but not anymore!!! It would be hurt if he told me that if we didn’t match he would do so but what I can’t understand is telling people that even the physical attraction didn’t work, I would love to be your friend!!! Don’t do tell people that until you mean the fuck of it, for the sake of your humanity!!!
Well the last of my semi-dates J , I was chatting with the smartest guy ever, he charmed me with his voice & his way of thinking & that confident he has Wooooow me way more than I could imagine, anyway he called me to see each other, it was a bit late & he said if its late we can arranged it another day & I hope that I said yes , it’s too late. I would have the Possibility that he might like me, but unfortunately he didn’t! I can’t fool myself I had a crush on him, not physically because he’s not my type but there was something in him that would charm anyone, his aura is incredible!
Well, that’s a summary of my first attempts to enter the dating world but it didn’t seem that it worked very well & honestly it hurts me & making me wonder will it work someday or that gut deep inside which keep telling me you can’t do it, would be right?
